The 4 Fear-Based Reactions

There are primarily two reasons why people do not get what they really want:

1. They are too preoccupied and busy trying to prevent getting what they don’t want or

2. When they are confronted with something that bothers them or encounter a barrier to fulfilling their desires they consistently react in a negative manner.

While this article will look more fully at reason # 2, reason # 1 deserves honorary mention. Both reasons are fear-based realities that humans have struggled with since the beginning of consciousness. We may declare our desires and even develop an action plan on how to manifest them. Yet, despite our best intentions, the insidious voice of doubt is always present. Whether subtle or blatant, doubt seeks to sabotage our desires. Perhaps one desires to ask someone on a date, but doubt whispers the possibility of rejection and so the date is never requested. Or maybe one really wants a raise but doubt strongly suggests the probability of getting fired so we don’t risk the request. There are infinite ways that the voice of doubt informs our choices. It’s when we trust that voice more than our intuitive desires that life becomes monotonous and unfulfilling.

Those who have learned to quiet the voice of doubt and reach out to the risk of living their dreams and desires must still contend with reason # 2. Regardless of how strong our desires and the tenacity we possess to fulfill them, life happens. Things go wrong, people change their minds, plans get derailed, nature’s unpredictable force may pre-empt progress, and the human condition demands that people will do and say things that hurt us. When something or someone comes along to sabotage our desires, we tend to react negatively to whatever is in our way. These reactions can be broken down into four categories: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Façade.

1. The Fight Reaction

The fight reaction is quite simple – when something goes wrong or someone says or does something that hurts us on any level then we attack them or the problem. An attack can come in many forms: physical violence (such as inflicting harm on somebody or throwing an object across the room), verbal assaults (such as yelling, cursing, criticizing, demeaning, or any combination thereof), deliberate destruction of someone else’s work or property, or any intimidating gesture meant to provoke retaliation or elicit fear. In one respect, when the fight reaction is turned inward it may manifest as self-harm, addictions, and similar self-destructive behaviours.

2. The Flight Reaction

The flight reaction encompasses any and all behaviours that sees us removing ourselves from difficult or confronting circumstances. Basically, any choice we make that enables us to get away or run away from the people, places and things that threaten us can be found under the flight category. Some common flight behaviours are divorce or leaving relationships, ending friendships, shunning individuals, resigning from a job, quitting school, discontinuing membership in an organization or hobby group, moving, abruptly ending an argument or discussion and putting distance between you and the other person or persons (whether you leave the room, the building, the city or the country). Taken to the extreme, the flight reaction may include suicide and/or suicidal gestures.

3. The Freeze Reaction

The freeze reaction is simply another way of saying that we are shutting down as a self-protective measure when someone or something threatens us on a physical, emotional or mental level. There are many behaviours that indicate the freeze reaction is in operation: Withholding affection, refusing to communicate, getting lost in a book, binging on television or movies, playing video games endlessly, the relentless pursuit of recreational activities or the excessive engagement in hobbies. These are the tame examples of freezing others out. There are those who have radicalized the freeze reaction with extreme isolation (abandoning society and living an off-the-grid solitary life in remote areas), self-imposed solitary confinement (deliberate seclusion in one’s residence or domicile with minimal interaction with the outside world) and, in the worst cases, the development of anxiety disorders such as agoraphobia and/or anthrophobia.

4. The Façade Reaction

The façade reaction is perhaps the only reactive behaviour that is unique to human beings. As such, it is also a multi-layered behaviour that manifests differently not only among individuals but is also impacted situationally or circumstantially. In its most basic form, façade means lying. Since humans are complex beings, even the term ‘lying’ cannot be taken at face value. The façade reaction may show up as being dishonest, withholding some parts of ‘the truth,’ minimizing, rationalizing, justifying, or by telling people what we think they want to hear or what we think they can handle, sometimes referred to as whitewashing or sugar-coating. There is a sophistication that exists in the façade reaction that is not necessarily present in the other three. Dishonesty requires degrees of conceptualization and refinement in order to function and survive. Uniquely human, indeed. Once again, taken to extremes, the façade reaction can manifest itself pathologically where people habitually and consistently lie for no apparent reason or personal gain.

The fight reaction is primal and, along with the second reaction of flight, comprises the fundamental and inherent reactive tendencies in all, or most, living creatures. Anyone who has taken Psychology 101 is familiar with the fight/flight response. We cannot limit humans to these two primal functions, however. It doesn’t take a brain to fight or flight. Single celled creatures will demonstrate the fight and flight responses to external stimuli. Humans have had to adapt to the perils of consciousness, including social and technological evolutionary paradigms. Thus, the mechanisms of freeze and façade have been developed and perfected over time. We are not trying to judge these reactions as good or bad or as right or wrong. We are only seeking to establish whether these reactions serve us and our desires.

The short answer is no. They do not and cannot bring about what we truly desire, unless what we truly desire is negativity and destruction. One would be inclined to believe that except for the criminally insane, negativity and destruction are not top of mind for most living creatures. Given the state of the world both politically and environmentally (the endless churning of the war machine and the human impact on our delicate ecosystems) it could be argued that most of us are resigned to a negative and destructive worldview that we are powerless to change. But, (and I know I am not alone) I must allow for our salvation, which begins with the premise that humans are inherently good and decent. Deep down we want what’s best for ourselves and others.

If this premise is true, then it follows that we get to put our own feet to the fire, so to speak. We get to hold ourselves accountable for our reactions and come to understand and own the fact that it is impossible to create the lives of our dreams with fear-based living. Can you create trust in your relationships if you attack the other person every time you feel threatened? Can you say you are committed to a person, idea or cause if you run away when you feel vulnerable? Can you experience intimacy and connection in your relationships if you shut down when they say something that you don’t like? Is it possible to create your ideal career with lies and deceit?

The happy truth is that we cannot manifest our heart’s desires through any fear-base reaction. Instead, we are left with the only choice that is creative and life affirming – love-based leadership.

Throughout history the mystics, enlightened ones, gurus, religious figures and every other voice that has shouted humanity’s truth from the rooftops has boiled our collective lives, experiences and choices down to two fundamental concepts: love and fear. Everything we think, say and do are guided by love or fear in one way or another. While there are countless ways to express and experience love and fear, all of life is governed by these opposing energies. You may call it good and evil, light and dark, salvation and sin, yin and yang. However you refer to it does not change its nature. Everything comes down to either love or fear. Love-based leadership or fear-based reacting. Which do you choose?